Have you finally orgasmed yet?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
