Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize