Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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