tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Of course I have a pirate flag
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
