He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
