I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
