Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
