There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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