if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
