I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
so much tequila, so little girl.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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