At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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