Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize