new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
