if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
