We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
