speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
