Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
