You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
