Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
