I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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