hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
