the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
