some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
