im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
