Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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