Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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