Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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