She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
