Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
