He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
