I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
