Just fell off a train. Bad.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
