I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
