At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
