Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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