I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
