I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
