I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
