how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
