last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
