Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
