I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
