I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
