Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
