Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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