...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
