Sponge bath it is.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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