Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize