i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
