i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
