Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
