be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
