so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize