she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize