Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
