Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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