And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
