i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
