Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I want a musical about memes.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize