Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
