It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
