3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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