I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
