I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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