we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
