I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize