walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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