don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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