thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
