I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
