im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
