exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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