Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
