I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I came so hard my ears popped.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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