i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
