the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
there is glitter all over my balls
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
