there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize